Be Your Best Academy

Remembering back to early 2020 feels like I am looking back at least half a decade, yet it was roughly two years ago! 

I’m going to describe some pretty confronting aspects of my experience during the pandemic, because for the first 6 months I really was not coping well; ever since August 2020, though, I have been growing and flourishing.

When word started spreading about “the Coronavirus” or “COVID-19” I didn’t think much of it. And when my employer asked if I had “stocked up” and showed me his stash of hand sanitizer, Gatorade, toilet paper, and other non-perishables, I thought he was overreacting. Three weeks later shortages were evident in nearly every store, and I found myself without a job – because back then I worked as a nanny and when everyone had to work from home it meant the kids didn’t need a glorified taxi service.

What Happened for Me: I lost my job and did nothing.

Without a job I found myself left with a huge amount of free time. Free time that I didn't really do much with... As the months passed, my anxiety took over and I became more and more despondent. I already struggled with things that others find easy – like showering – but during such a global traumatic event, everything was exacerbated. I did not shower or brush my hair for so long that my hair matted to my head, and when I finally worked up the energy to overcome my task initiation difficulties it took over two hours in the shower and at least another hour afterwards to wash, brush, and rip out the knots.

I look back on the pain of the day I finally showered, and I am so proud of myself that I did it, because it was the beginning of a change in how I dealt with the pandemic. It was the beginning of my new life.

Not long after showering, I received an email suggesting I apply for a mid-year intake of a postgraduate university course I really wanted to do. Later, I also stumbled across a job advertisement on Facebook, looking for LGBTQIA+, neurodivergent writers. I submitted an application to the Masters degree, and I put myself out there and applied for the writer position. 

Within one month I had achieved two of my life-long dreams. I was accepted into a Master of Psychology! AND, even better, I was going to be a PROFESSIONAL WRITER! The latter was the biggest dream of my life, one I had held since I was a 5-year-old prep student, writing stories about my school friends.

 

The reason I am telling you this snippet from my life is because I have learned some things which I feel can perhaps help others too.

 

During the pandemic, I wasn’t coping to begin with. My strategy was avoid and ignore.

 

During the pandemic, I wasn’t coping to begin with. My strategy was AVOID and IGNORE. I did not do anything to change my experience, so it was pretty counterproductive to what I actually needed and wanted.

But once I told myself that I needed to change how I was reacting – because it was going to lead to hospitalization – I started looking for new opportunities. If I had remained curled up on the couch, with Netflix running in the background, I would not have even read the email from a university advising me to apply for a dream I thought was lost forever. Even worse, I would not have seen the advertisement for my ultimate dream job. Basically, once I stopped wallowing on the couch, I started looking for new opportunities, and the ones that I found – they changed my life.

 

What Changed: I did something.

I know, as a neurodivergent person it can be SO hard to put yourself out there, heck I’m pretty sure even my neurotypical friends find that hard, but if I can pass on one piece of advice that I try to live by – 

 

You will lose 100% of the competitions you do not enter. 

 

This basically means that if you don’t try, there’s no chance; but if you DO try, then some chance is better than no chance. 

 

I lied, I’m going to give you two pieces of advice – the second is the best piece of advice I have ever been given – 

 

If something is worth doing, it’s worth ‘half-arsing’. 

 

Okay- in those words sound really bad, but I’ll explain it in a minute. When I was growing up, I was always told ‘if it’s worth doing, it’s worth putting your best effort into it’, and that is a really difficult ethos to live by. You’re basically saying that perfection is the only amount of effort that’s worth it. Fortunately, I now know that’s not true. If you’re going to do something, just allow yourself to do it, even if it's not great – even if it’s ‘half-arsed’. I know this use of words sounds bad, so let me explain.

I’ll give you some examples based on my experiences during the pandemic. 

Showering helped me change my worldview. Now one might say you need to shower every day, or every second day, or three times a week, or whatever – it really doesn’t matter what they say. Showering is obviously something that is worth doing, but honestly, if you don’t have the energy to scrub every part of your body with wild enthusiasm (i.e., putting best effort into it), does that mean you shouldn’t ever shower? I think if you can manage to just get in and run the water over your body, and then get out and either towel-dry or even air-dry yourself, that was worth it! That ‘half-arsed’ attempt was still a worthy attempt! You got something off your body, and you achieved something really hard. You are amazing. 

That one step towards doing the task you want to do has lasting benefits. 

Once I had that shower I mentioned earlier, I started brushing my hair again. That one step towards doing the task you want to do has lasting benefits. And I realized ‘I may not be able to shower every day, I may not be able to shower every week, but I can brush my hair’. Since that shower, I have not ended up with completely matted hair again.

 

Take Home Message

So, my point is – The pandemic was hard. It still is! 

But remember to do the little things if you can’t do the big things and remember even if you are not proud of yourself now, I am SO proud of you, because I know how hard it really is.